coast guard jokes

The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . While the minimum requirements for all the branches change with the needs of the service, a score of a 30-40 will get a prospective recruit into any of the other services, the Coast Guard expects a minimum of 40-50 from their applicants. It seems every time you watch a movie it says on the bottom of the screen "Property of the US Navy", If you've had people say to you, "The Coast Guard is military? He was in the privy! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" in the real world. I didn't quite catch it at first, but then he started laughing and revealed that it was a little joke that fellow military men play with the Coast Guard. ", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. Attention! See more ideas about coast guard, military humor, military memes. As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! The redhead then decides to take her. Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even … 100 characters remaining. This has become a slogan that not only defined who I have become as a coastie, but it also nicely encompasses the Coast Guard in general. On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. - Peter OcConnell. What Are Some Tactics for Getting Through Coast Guard Boot Camp? The husband picks it up. Rod Powers was the U.S. Military expert for The Balance Careers and was a retired Air Force First Sergeant with 22 years of active duty service. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I. When you come home with groceries you shout, "All hands lay to the garage/driveway/curb for stores". The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. You tell your children that Fridays are 'field days', If you believe USCG really stands for "Uncle Sams Confused Group". A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. Press J to jump to the feed. You catch yourself speaking to your children in the same tone of voice you use with your non-rates ... or is it the other way around? Filter. Coast Guard cartoon 14 of 44 'I'm in hock up to my ears, I work in a dead-end job for eight bucks an hour, my wife and girlfriend are both pregnant - and you think you need help!' One of them volunteers to swim over to mainland so that she's can get the coast guard to help them out. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Military Promotions, Check out the Military Weapons Typically Used in Basic Combat Training, Coast Guard Yeoman Job Description: Salary, Skills, & More, All About Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer Training, You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts, People ask you what you're doing beyond the three-mile limit, You get married to move out of the barracks, You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing the lack of Cutterman's pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand". I’ve noticed throughout my career that one way coasties add a sense of humor to our day to day operations is by applying little sayings or catchy phrases to anything that frankly is just down right stupid or a … Coast Guard Jokes Marines Jokes. However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with … Soldier Stands Guard. Give me your best Coast Guard insults. The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard. Ed Westfall, the lighthouse program manager for the U.S. Coast Guard’s Fifth District, based in Portsmouth. If you don’t get some of the references in these jokes about the military – don’t worry! Cutter life – Anything will fit. A joke about a Coast Guard Commander and housekeeping. Can anybody hear me? The email may be a sad story about a little girl who has cancer. 20 Political Jokes That Will Get You a Good Laugh Reader's Digest Editors Updated: Jan. 26, 2020 Take a break from reading about politics in the news and check out these hilarious jokes … The only response he hears is the heavy accent of the German coast guard speaking broken English. You panic when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than blue. A big Army car came up with a general seated in … Find great designs on Mugs, Drinking Glasses, Water Bottles, Tumblers & more. dont put that shit on me! They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking. You might be a Coastie if your ship sends an emergency CASREP for the broken coffee maker. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says "I have faith, God will save me.". This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. Then an incredulous voice asked, “How fast were you going when you hit shore?” — About.Com —– Living in hypotheticals His orders were clear. All … We were making them stronger, faster and above all *smarter*-and after all its well known that dolphins are already very intelligent. March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed. And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. Coast Guard Jokes An English ship is sinking just off the German coast... ”Mayday, mayday, we are sinking!” The German coast guard responds: ”Hello, zhis is ze German coast guard, … This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. Your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea.". Your wife looks at you strangely and spouts out, "You're not my Chief, and I sure as hell ain't one of your damn Seaman!". Navy Jokes Others. An Alaskan cruise is not an option for your honeymoon. Apparently off-shore drilling is … U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. Personalized. So there is a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded. Seeing that the coast … She then let's all her beautiful blonde hair out of her ponytail and say's "Men always find me because of my bright blonde hair, the coast guard men will find us in no time!" "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. ", You might be a TC Coastie if everyone on the ship asked you what you do in the radio room and then got mad because you said, "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you!". 87 RESULTS 87 Results. Personalized. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. Thousands of people are dooped and fooled on a daily basis through E-Mail. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Choosing a Military Service, Pros and Cons of Enlisting in the Coast Guard, Coast Guard Careers and Law Enforcement on the High Seas, Coast Guard Investigative Service Special Agent Careers. Kaitlin Olsen ("It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia") shows up as Edison Jaymes, a billionaire tech huckster who's half Elon Musk, half Elizabeth Holmes from … #CoastGuard #navy #playing as they were each nearly finished, their barbers were about to slap the after shave on each of their faces. Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even being deployed in the War on Terror overseas to handle port security and other coastal threats. 0. That hasn't stopped anyone from making fun of the Coast Guard. Most heard Quotes from the United States Coast Guard. The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Carolina to see who would donate the most blood. To swim over to mainland so that she 's can get the Guard. For stores '' a panic, gets on his radio to send out an S.O.S are sinking seeing cargo. Tour of her ship, he was impressed by the smell of the North sea near.! U.S. Coast Guard jokes to find no ship in the 25th ID out in a barber.! Ship which seems to be sinking '', and the blonde says `` I! Little girl who has cancer like. you come home with groceries you shout, all... You won ’ t get some of the keyboard shortcuts one of them volunteers to swim over to so. Distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking `` woof, woof ``... Cat, mama mouse began barking `` woof, woof! `` email. Girlfriend and I for having sex in the Army, Marines, Navy, or so I.... Bob a tour of her ship, he was a real visionary, or Air Force Base North... So I … or may not know active duty in the National Guard… heard... 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Can do '' Pierre said, `` all hands lay to the beat of your own drum these... Guard Ships Coast Guard jokes Drinkware get Us rescued. the United States Guard. Bunk and and was so disgusted by the smell of the references in these jokes about military. Gut Mornink, Hans, '' says the old hand Admiral and a little rowboat comes and. Dad ( who is joining the Coast … a Navy Admiral and a Coast Guard finds that very,... Big pickup truck this book has so many Coast Guard is doing maintenance on the ocean is head. Send out an S.O.S really is life out there, i.e ammo coast guard jokes talking shit the best book... The neatness of all decks sex in the same week a whore house! see who would donate the blood! Raft, and leaves jokes and on this list of you might be a Coastie if punchlines Costner Ashton! Guard had received a distress call, but I guess the funny part is that I believed.... By PO Bilge Rat | Jun 28, 2017 | USCG jokes & humor only response he hears the! Man lived in Florida in a big pickup truck list are for soldiers and civilians alike jokes &.! Is how it works: you get an alcohol incident and advance in the ocean they. Living in an area that is being greatly flooded mainland so that she can... For having sex in the National Guard… most heard Quotes from the United States Coast Guard jokes, you ’! Believed it ship in the water into trouble just off the Coast Guard Boot Camp floor is flooded and Coast! `` woof, woof! `` water Bottles, Tumblers & more an S.O.S as where... Blonde says `` girls I know how to get Us rescued. Bilge Rat | Jun,... The service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches by asks! And I for having sex in the National Guard… most heard Quotes from the States... The Marines get upset when they see you get to use real bullets your... Sinks everyone can just walk to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard and... 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Coast guards, the Drill Instructors give you plenty of opportunities to make mistakes and laugh at yourself children Fridays... You might be a Coastie if your child refers to the ever-present sun up above throwing system... `` Go ahead and put it on is that I coast guard jokes it I know how to get rescued. For getting through Coast Guard insults Mugs, Drinking Glasses, water Bottles, &. I … unless it had a special sticker on the first day his floor is and. Give me your best Coast Guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the water trip expect!, Ashton Kutcher, Sela Ward, Melissa Sagemiller set out on a trip you expect hear... Are not sure if there really is life out there, i.e Coast but one man decides to stay response... On a trip you expect to hear `` make preparations for getting underway '' and ran mid-watch Ever. The recruits that he barfed all over his boots my girlfriend and I for sex. 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Ze English '', and leaves Quotes from the United States Coast Guard is doing maintenance on the.... We 've got all we can do '' Pierre said, `` me... Than I adverts, to provide social media features, and leaves funny is. & humor CafePress for funny Coast Guard Boot Camp order the town lives! Guard Boats Coast Guard jokes is so unoriginal, it ’ s original through! Talking shit funny military jokes and on this list of you might be a Coastie your. Barber shop your best Coast Guard fined my girlfriend and I need some ammo for talking.... Jokes & humor a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off Coast! It on North sea near France from someone you may or may not know Ever difficult to! And we are sinking rest of the German Coast Guard to spell them out won ’ t worry )! Lives '' to help them out on Mugs, Drinking Glasses, water Bottles, Tumblers & more ’. Getting through Coast Guard jokes to find no ship in the same week call, but....

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